Week 1

Well, I took the week "off" from blogging and uploading pics to facebook in hopes that I could focus all my attention on these 2 sweet little girls of mine and housework and get us all adjusted to being home again and for one sweet little baby home for the first time.... WRONG!!! How naive can one girl be??? Did I honestly think it would be back to normal in one week??? I'm such a dreamer, I'll admit. I always set myself up with such high hopes and rarely ever reach my goal.

Emry's first bath at home!

To say the least, it has been quite a week. I'd LOVE to say it has been the best week ever but reality is it has been pretty darn tough. To start the week 1 of being home, Alli started running a fever the first night we were home. UGH! Having a sick toddler is hard enough but then you add a 4lb little tyke into the mix who, if runs a fever of 100.4 or higher, has to go straight to the ER and have a full blood work up done on her, including a SPINAL TAP!! EEK! Kinda makes a mommy and daddy VERY nervous! So, we've got a sick, whiny, cranky, clingy 2 year old and a baby we are trying to keep in a bubble! (If only she could be in a bubble..ha!).

Daddy getting Alli a popsicle to help her feel better.... :)

The fever lasted until Monday, which is when we had Emry's first pediatricians visit scheduled. They went ahead and worked Alli into the schedule to make sure she didn't need antibiotics. The appt went great for Emry. 4lbs 4oz and she did wonderful! Hardly a squeal out of her. Alli on the other hand, had to have saline flushed in her ear to remove wax so her dr could see in it.... This was the first appt EVER that Alli did not cry the moment her dr touched her. She actually even said AHHH for him to look in her mouth.... Once the "flush" began there were PLENTY of tears though (and even a hold down by the nurse). I bawled!!

 Now I've got the nasty cold virus poor Gator had....

That was only day 1-3... I won't bore you with days 4-8 but day 9 has been a real hard one so far. I'm beginning to wonder if my postpartum hormones are just now kicking me in the shorts... I've broke down several times today. It's silly things too.... Like Alli climbing out of the shower for the 100th time while I'm trying to wash her hair or Emry getting choked when I feed her...man...maybe I just need a good LOOOOONG nap! HA!

Did I mention we are also potty training??? What was I thinking???... We have 0 stickers yet by the way.... :)

And I just have to share what my genius/OCD kiddo did... I told her to take the jolly ranchers and separate them by colors and put them in a pile... Here is what she did!! I couldn't believe it... mind you she would get pretty aggravated if the jolly ranchers were not straight....ha!!

We do go back to the dr tomorrow for Emry's weight check. We are concerned because she is not eating real great like she was. I talked to the nurse today and she thinks we may need to call speech therapy to help her with eating. :( I'm ok with that though. I hate seeing her struggle to eat. Sometimes she works SO SO hard at sucking only to have eaten like 5mils.... So please pray with us (again) for Emry to eat like a champ!! I know she can!!

Emry's 2nd bath!

I will keep you all updated on what the dr says!!

Oh, and this little sweety is such an AWESOME sleeper!! She sleeps so good at night... She wakes up every 4-6 hrs to eat and goes right back to sleep!! I'm not counting my chickens before they hatch though... I know all that could change in a heart beat!! Ha!

Are these not the SWEETEST girls EVER!!!

Here's to week 2 of actually getting on a schedule!! ha!!

WE ARE HOME!!

Insomnia

Tonight I find myself having no desire to sleep. I know, I have a 3 month old who wakes to eat every 2-3 hours, I MUST BE CRAZY RIGHT?? It's just that as much as I am SOOOO ready to be home, this hospital, these drs and nurses, these cafeteria workers, they have all been my family away from family the past 3 months. I'm finding it very bitter sweet to leave this place. Who would have thought? I've dreamed of this day since the morning we were admitted (which by the way is 3 months to the day tomorrow!), but I can't help but feel like I am leaving a part of my heart here. I am beyond thankful to all of the staff and families I have grown to know and love. I wish I could keep in contact with every single one of them. Swaying Emry tonight, trying to get her to shut her sleepy little eyes and give in to a restful night, I couldn't help but look around this room of hers and try to forever etch every inch of this place into my brain. I don't want to forget it. I don't want to forget the many, many nights I spent crying out to the Lord for Him to protect our sweet baby, or the many pleas with God to just let Emry come back from a brady episode. This by far as been the most spiritual awakening I've ever had. I can remember the night before Emry was born, I told Jeff I was going to take a shower... He knows "taking a shower" usually means breakdown time for momma... It's my place of release really. He asked if I was ok and I just told him I REALLY needed a shower :) I absolutely fell apart the moment the water hit my back, but what sticks out the most is I can remember finding it SO hard to tell God "Your will be done." I was terrified of what His will was gonna bring. I finally brought myself to say it and I can remember saying it over and over as if saying it brought a sense of peace... and well, as you know, the rest is history.... :) I'm sad to leave because I know this place has brought me so much closer to really knowing God and having a deeper walk with Him but I am so very thankful that God doesn't have boundaries. He is with us everywhere we go, guiding us and speaking to our hearts. I do want to leave you with a few verses we prayed over sweet Emry. These are also written on her dry erase board in her room. I LOVE THEM!

"I will not die but live, and proclaim what the Lord has done" Psalm 118:17

"How can I repay the Lord all the good He has done me? Psalm 116:12

and my favorite....

"The Lord protects the simple hearted, when I was in great need, He saved me" Psalm 116:6

TOMORROW'S THE BIG DAY!!!

update

Yes I know it has almost been 2 WHOLE WEEKS since I last updated.... what a blog couch potato I am! Believe it or not I've actually been busy trying to be 2 places at once and getting all the lovin' in that I can from my two sweet little girls. So needless to say, my updating has taken a back seat.

If you can't tell by the lack of a "WE ARE COMING HOME" post, we did not get to come home at the end of last week like we had hoped. The dr just didn't feel like she was ready feeding wise.

Emry is now however on all 8 feeds, and eating them well. She gets 4 bottle feeds a day (with booby milk+extra calories) and the rest (however many feeds that may be) are breastfeeds. She needs at least 8 feeds a day though.

As of last night, Emry is 4 POUNDS!! YAY!! She is such a beautiful, sweet little girl.

We are now scheduled to come home on Friday, assuming she continues to do well and passes her car seat test. It's a test where they put her in the car seat she will be going home in for the length of drive that you have home. In our case that's 3 hrs....wow! If she tolerates the ride well with no events or anything then we are home free!! The test is Thursday so please say a prayer.

I am so excited and nervous at the same time! I can't believe the day has almost come for us to bring Emry home!!

It's praise be to God for all his wonderful works and healing hand upon our baby girl! Thank you all so much for every prayer you have offered up! It truly means the world!!

Love, Holly

Me and my sweet girls

Home 2

I asked her dr on Wednesday when he thought realistically we might be able to go home, to which he replied "lets see how she does until Friday and I'll try and give you a better estimate then." I had asked him because I thought if it were going to be several more weeks then we might try and get back transported closer to home so I could still be with Alli every day and maybe try and keep a little bit of order around the Walker household....ha!

So, Em's dr comes in and says "well, it looks like you'll be staying in Little Rock".  My heart sank.... how many more weeks are we going to be here? Well, I guess I just didn't get his humor....I thought he meant we'd be staying longer than we'd hoped.....  Oh no... what he was meaning was we'd hopefully only be here ANOTHER WEEK so why back transport!!! That's right! He said if she keeps it up then we can go home by the end of next week. Now, that is IF she keeps doing as great as she has been and I have no doubt in my mind she will. :) He also said Emry's weight was no longer an issue and that all we needed to get down was feeding. She is at 4 PO (bottle or breast) feeds a day right now but she has to take ALL 8 feeds before we can go home. That's 30MILS (1 ounce) 8 times a day.

WAY TO GO EMRY!!

KEEP IT UP GIRL!

Emry's latest stats:

3lbs 10.8oz

14 & 1/4 inches long

Eats 4 PO feeds a day and the other 4 are tube feedings

She loves to have momma hold her after she eats :)

Still holds her temp great!

1 brady in the past 60 hours

We are so so so thankful for all the prayers and comments!

Please continue to pray for our sweet little Emry!

Home

Ever heard the song by Daughtry "Home"? Well, I can totally relate. The verse in the song is 100%  me right now....

"THE MILES ARE GETTING LONGER IT SEEMS

THE CLOSER I GET TO YOU"

Oh yeah, I am totally there. It seems here lately the closer we get to bringing our sweet baby girl home the more my heart aches to be home with my wonderful husband and 2 sweet little girls, or to just on a whim have a picnic with my parents and my sister and her little family, or to sit on the couch with my brother and watch some good ol' Office. Or maybe even take the Sunday to drive out to Jeff's parents and play in the creek. Oh the things I took for granted. Each day seems to get a little harder to cope with the fact that I AM SO HOMESICK! I have taken for granted all the days at home and all the times spent with Alli's great-grandparents. I cannot wait to take Emry over to visit all 4 of them. Yes, that's right, we are so blessed that all of Alli and Emry's greats (on my side) are still alive. A lot of people don't even get to meet there grandparents and I feel so blessed that our girls will get to be held by there great-grandparents. :)

Don't get me wrong I don't at all wish this time away or resent the fact that we are here. I am so thankful for what miracles we have seen and the experience we will take with us. God is such a great God and has supplied every need (even before we knew we needed it!) I have learned more in these past 9 weeks about babies, family, love and God than I think I have learned in my 25 years of life. I know God will give me the strength to keep on but today I just needed to get some of this load off my chest. 

So I will leave you with my heart wide open and a song (now) stuck in your head.... :)

This link will take you to a nice accoustic version:

Daughtry "HOME"

Here are the words in case you don't know the song

(I'm assuming any true American Idol fan knows the song though. HA!)

I also don't mean to get all "high school" on ya and post a song to show how I'm feeling but really if I were to write a song about home my heart feels right now this would be it! :)  

I'm staring out into the night,

Trying to hide the pain.

I'm going to the place where love

And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.

And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

Well I'm going home,

Back to the place where I belong,

And where your love has always been enough for me.

I'm not running from.

No, I think you got me all wrong.

I don't regret this life I chose for me.

But these places and these faces are getting old,

So I'm going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,

The closer I get to you.

I've not always been the best man or friend for you.

But your love remains true.

And I don't know why.

You always seem to give me another try.

So I'm going home,

Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.

I'm not running from.

No, I think you got me all wrong.

I don't regret this life I chose for me.

But these places and these faces are getting old,

Be careful what you wish for,

'Cause you just might get it all.

You just might get it all,

And then some you don't want.

Be careful what you wish for,

'Cause you just might get it all.

You just might get it all, yeah.

Oh, well I'm going home,

Back to the place where I belong,

And where your love has always been enough for me.

I'm not running from.

No, I think you got me all wrong.

I don't regret this life I chose for me.

But these places and these faces are getting old.

I said these places and these faces are getting old,

So I'm going home.

I'm going home.

AND..... for those of you who need a picture to go with a post.....

Here is our sweet, 3lb 9oz little bundle of joy